Wowee! Hillary Needs My Help!

In the process of purging my inbox this morning, I discover there’s a message from Hillary Clinton’s campaign. My hand slowly, yet deliberately slides the mouse to the delete button, I lift my finger to click…but wait!  What’s that?  What’s that you say Lycos? Hillary needs my help?!  My pockets are empty so can’t help you there. Oh good, a video. I don’t even have to read to help. Curious, I drag the cursor from the delete button to the play button. 
Dressed in the obligatory Navy blue blazer and pearls with the U.S. flag in the background, Hillary introduces herself, “Hi, I’m Hillary Clinton and I need some advice from everyone out there who’s watching this.” Oh boy, do I have some advice for you Senator, I thought, as I searched for a text box. I managed to evade the reading, but apparently there was going to be writing involved.

Hillary continued, unaware of the advice I was already conjuring up, “I want to know what you think on one of the most important questions of our campaign.”

Wow, wonder what that might be. Explaining your secret plan to getting us out of Viet..I mean Iraq if you become President? Choosing a running mate that the people will like, but who won’t steal your thunder?

The crescendo builds as Senator Clinton explains, “It’s something we’ve been struggling with, debating and agonizing over for months.” Oh my God, is she coming out of the closet? Sorry, but I live in New Jersey okay, we’ve been through this. Agonizing? Really? I hate to see people agonize. Tell me Hillary, please how can I help? I have a lot to contribute, really I do. Maybe we could talk about the need for diplomacy in Iran and Syria. Don’t worry, I’m sure we can spin it so you won’t be accused of being soft on terror. 

How about the enormous humanitarian crisis that has resulted from the war that you voted for? I know, that’s risky, they might attack you for blaming America for the problem, but it kinda really is our fault you know. The huge gap between the rich and the poor and the vanishing middle class – that’s a good one. I can understand you agonizing over that because the mention of it gets you accused of being a commie – a socialist at best. I can help you work around that. These are important issues you know.

“So, now I’m turning it over to you, the American people,” Clinton announces. I’m more than a little stunned at this point  Hillary Clinton is ready to relinquish some control and power to me? Little ol’ me? Suddenly, I feel both pride along with great pressure to not disappoint.

Then she lays it out. “Here’s the issue,” she explains. “What do you think our campaign song should be? There are so many great choices and we want and need your help so please go to and vote.”

Hand back on the mouse, a slow, but steady glide towards the delete button, and a very deliberate click.

[video link]


One response to “Wowee! Hillary Needs My Help!

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